Day 1

Good morning Daddy,
I'd ask how you are, but we both know that you are absolutely wonderful.  I have had you on my mind a lot the last couple days.  Oh, how I miss you so much!  There are so many things that I have needed your advice on lately.  So many times I have needed your comfort.  I keep going on, and trying to hide my hurt.  I even try to pretend it doesn't bother me for the most part.  I have found that since you have left us, I didn't have the support system that I thought I had.  People who I thought were my true blue friends, have all vanished.  Some were not even there when I needed them most, but you always said that, that's when I would find out who my friends are.  Guess what, I found out that none of the old "friends" were really friends.  I'm ok with with that though, wasn't really a big shock.

I went to mom's yesterday to wash some clothes. What harm could come from that right?   Wrong!  The first load sent me into a heartbroken state.  They were all uniforms.  They were the David's, but I could smell you on them.  I could see you in them.  They ordered him the exact ones that you use to wear.  I couldn't even fold them, how silly is that?  A grown woman, who can't even wash and fold her husband's work clothes!

I start my new job soon.  I hope I make you proud with it!  I have tried so many times to get this job, and you always backed me 100% with each attempt.  Although, deep down, I don't think you wanted me to have it.  I think the thought of it scared you a little.  Luckily, you and mom taught me to take care of myself, so I'll be fine.

Tab had a couple moles removed Friday.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared to get the biopsy report.  Since you became sick, I get scared over so much.  I don't want to lose someone else that is close to me to that nasty disease again.  Anyway, she is growing up so fast, it's breaking my heart.  She has a little boyfriend, he seems like such a sweet fellow.  I think you'd like him.  She is going to prom with him, and she is super excited!

Nick is doing ok, becoming a bit distant to me though.  It's all about the video game instead of football like he was before you left.  I guess between losing you and then losing this coach, he doesn't seem to care about it anymore.  He knows though that God only took you because He needed you.  He misses you terribly!

Miss Kater Tater, she is something else.  I can't get her to do anything.  She doesn't want to listen to a word I say.  She doesn't even fear any punishments.  I can say I'm going to do this or that, and she will cry for a few minutes, then it's like I didn't speak at all.  When you use to get onto her, I could get a little more out of her.  Seems like she just doesn't care anymore.

Mommy is doing ok.  She has her days, as we all do, of missing you more.  She has been so strong, and worked hard to keep up what you started with Snowbaby.  Nate's staying with her, so that helps, and she calls me a lot during the day.  We all try to keep her occupied so that she doesn't just sit around and think to much.

I suppose you could say we are all doing ok, we were raised by you after all.  I hurts more some days than others, but we are learning to live through those days.  We are learning how to stop the tears, and move past it.  It's a constant battle. I do most of my tears when I'm alone, that way no one worries about me.  It's not always that easy to do, but I have learned to control it.

I will do my best to keep writing you as much as possible.  I want to do it daily just so I have an outlet for the emotions.  I think this may help me to learn to live without you here, yet, keep me just close enough to you to keep me going.

I love you, daddy, and I miss you more than words can say.  I'll keep my head on straight though and see you again, when the Lord calls my number!